the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Randomize
