Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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