i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My cat gives me a boner
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
