We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
