That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
