I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
