I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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