It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
