That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
