You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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