Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
ttyl tear gas
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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