...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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