Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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