He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Randomize
