hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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