i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
