WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
