She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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