Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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