so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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