"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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