she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
