On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
