I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
