Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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