You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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