First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
