nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
