dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
