i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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