Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
