I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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