just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
