Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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