I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
