Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
