So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
