ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
