Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
