It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
