I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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