I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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