would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
