whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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