I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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