I just pynch a tree in the face
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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