Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
