what day is it and did you see me today?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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