One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
