walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
