Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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