he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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