I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
