with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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