I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
