I wish I could teleport
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
