Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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