We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
