i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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