Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
