I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
