my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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