Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
