Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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