I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
