...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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