My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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