he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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